by Caryl Teh
COVID-19 drastically changed the dynamics of our relationships with friends and family. While many of us tried to be a listening ear or a shoulder to lean on, it soon became a very real problem that our compassion tanks can run low.
That’s why earlier this year, W@Y invited Dr Chua Sook Ning, clinical psychologist and founder of RELATE Malaysia, to share some nuggets of wisdom on how we can nurture our own mental health better. Today, we’d like to share some takeaways from that webinar.
Some better ways to care for others
1. Care effectively
It’s not humanly possible for anyone to go at everything 100%. So it might be worth your time and sanity to revise your goals. Scale for what’s manageable for you.
2. Care volitionally
Caring for others is not an obligation. A healthy mindset to be in when offering your listening ear or a shoulder to lean on is not “I have to”, but “I get to”. This communicates to others that you care about this friendship, and your main focus is on them. It’s not about you trying to be “a good person” to earn brownie points for the afterlife.
3. Care with others in a community
No one person should be the only person responsible for the mental wellbeing of someone else. The burden of care should be spread among several people – maybe some family members, friends or a professional therapist.
Some better ways to care for yourself
1. Be mindful
It’s easy to rush on to the next thing – the next piece of work, the next house chore, the next place we need to be at, what to eat for our next meal. But it is worth slowing down sometimes to be conscious and curious about your feelings. Why? Because they could indicate when you’re reaching your mental wellness limits.
2. Self-kindness
We recommend you don’t wait until you’ve pent up so much pressure in your brain that it hurts physically, but it can and sometimes does. Because life happens. Here are some ways you can be kinder to yourself to relieve some of that pressure:
- Take a day off.
- Take a break from social media & screen time.
(Seeing COVID case numbers is not going to help you feel less stressed. It’s good to be aware, but not good to be too aware. That’s just called an “information overload”.) - Give yourself permission not to be brave or have to live up to your expectations all the time.
- People often feel guilty for doing this, but you shouldn’t. Remember that it’s ok, and even necessary, to be kind to yourself.
3. Be willing to raise your white flag and receive care
Some people see raising their white flag as a sign of weakness. But in many cases, it takes much more humility and courage to ask for help than to give it. Ziad K. Abdelnour very wisely said, “Be strong enough to stand alone, smart enough to know when you need help, and brave enough to ask for it.” And being a recipient of care will actually bring you benefits similar to when you give care, like feeling more connected and cared about.
These are just some takeaways. You can watch the full webinar below, or skip directly to 32:05 where Dr Chua answers questions like:
- I feel like people are avoiding me when I reach out for help because I get quite emotional as going through lockdown is hard. I get ghosted all the time. How do I stop the loneliness?
- My child, my work and my need for self-care are competing for my time! I feel like a bad parent, what can I do?
- I am caring for my elderly parents. My siblings aren’t showing any empathy towards how I feel. The pandemic made it worse because I’m now stuck under one roof with a depressing parent and no one to turn to.
- What are some common pitfalls of nurturing mental health, and how can we be more conscious of it?
- Are there any online courses, books or websites you would recommend? Or just general advice on nurturing mental wellness
